28 Comments
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Aurelie Chazal's avatar

I love this! The 3-5 friends number makes me feel better about my social life :). Its been hard to keep friendship when all my friends are in different countries but there are a few people I know I can always count on.

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

It’s comforting isn’t it?? “Popularity” as a concept always feels like more is more, so it’s nice to re-think what true popularity means 🤗

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Aurelie Chazal's avatar

Yes now I feel like popularity is such a teen concept. As an adult I couldn't care less. All I need is a friend who can comfort me when I've had a shitty day and I need to complain

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Exactly! I was talking to my friend’s mum recently about how the worst kind of loneliness is when you’re surrounded by people but STILL feel lonely. How it’s that much harder than just being physically alone.

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Aurelie Chazal's avatar

So true. Makes me think of the song Lonely by Justin Bieber. It gets me every time and definitely made me see him in a different light. It's exactly about this: being surrounded by so many people but having no one to really talk to.

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K.M. Bennett's avatar

It made me feel better too!

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Yay! I’m glad 🤗

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Swamp Ruby's avatar

The football parties are such a good idea!! But I highly relate to the rest of it, much prefer a few really close friends to loads of milder friendships

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Haha thank you! It was a very silly tradition 😂 Glad you resonated with the piece 💓

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Abby Gray's avatar

I really resonated this as it's something I've struggled with recently. I had spread myself very thin between many friendships that I could never truly reciprocate, and had to end a few recently after realising I was giving my all to something never returned. I still feel very distant from many friends as they live all over the place and our time together is fleeting, but slowly I feel more confident in identifying those which persist and those which naturally drift away.

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

It’s sort of comforting to know how common this is, isn’t it?! And I really do empathise with what people say about it being far lonelier to have friends that don’t give a shit about you, than to have fewer friends in general 💓

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Jessica Byrne's avatar

wait i'm kind of jealous i didn't think of the tipsy football idea in my early 20s... that sounds SO fun. that said, this piece is excellent and very relatable. i've shed loads of 'fringe friendships' in recent years (wittingly and unwittingly), but the best + most close ones have withstood the test of time! i too have accepted that smaller circle is just of growing up and, no matter what, there's always those wild memories with tons of random people to look back on. <3

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Hahaha, feel free to steal the idea!! And you're so right - smaller circles can be so much more fulfilling, and we'll always have our memories of those younger, busier times! xx

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Gwen's avatar

Needed to hear this. Thank you!

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

🤗 🤗 🤗

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Lucilla's avatar

Just the title had me going YESSSSSS

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Aww, I'm so glad!! xx

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Aliena's avatar

I've let go of so many old friends and acquaintances through my 20s. Moving away from my hometown also made it challenging to stay in touch with a lot of people as I'm more fond of in person interactions versus communicating on the phone. This article is such an important reminder that quality exceeds quantity when it comes to friendships, although there's nothing wrong with having friends that are only there for fun times.

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Thank you for your kind words! And I'm so with you on being a much better communicator in-person. I'm really not a huge phone call person!!

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Michelle's avatar

Loved this piece! Having a small circle of close friends as I approach my mid-thirties just makes sense, and I much prefer being able to really nourish these relationships knowing we're aligned emotionally, politically, and beyond.

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Thank you! I totally agree. I almost see "friendship energy" as a finite resource, one that I'd rather lavish on a few deserving people than spread thinly on lots of half-hearted acquaintances 😊

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Joyful Sarcasm's avatar

Fantastic article and I could relate so much. I’m 35 my circle is the smallest it’s ever been but I feel supported by those that chose to stay. As you say people change, circumstances change and we also change and sometimes people are only meant to be in your life for a season and that’s ok. Loved this article 🫶🏻

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Yay, I'm so glad you liked it! Honestly, I think that's the way to go. "Only meant to be in your life for a season" is beautifully put 🤗

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Sarah Emily Kemp's avatar

Life is to be lived with an open heart. Love this.

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Alanna Duffield's avatar

🤗🤗🤗 thank you

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Sep 3
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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Yay, I’m glad! And that’s interesting (and lovely that they were there for you). I guess it depends on what kinds of political things you disagree on?? My mum and I have different views on certain things, but we share the same views on core human rights issues. For me, Brexit was essentially driven by xenophobia, so I was like “You can keep this friendship!” 😆

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Sep 1
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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Ah, I’m so glad you thought so! It’s comforting knowing a lot of us have felt the panic of losing friends, and that it’s perfectly normal 😊

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Sep 1
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Alanna Duffield's avatar

Absolutely!!

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