I earn more than double what my husband earns and we do split bills mostly (I pay more in general and for our private health and dental) but I check in with him and his money plus I pay the mortgage overpayment and holidays but we also do yearly budget check to make sure it is a bit more equitable but I definitely need to be more mindful I'm not leaving myself with a ton more money and disposable income. And leaving him without. I was in a first marriage that was mentally abusive and I put my pay cheque in his account (for some stupid reason) and asked permission for purchases so I'm always paranoid about being taken advantage of financially which my second husband would never do. Second husband almost had the mortgage on his house paid off but has still given us joint shares which is over generous. Thanks for sharing. 🫶🏻
You sound like you’re already being really mindful! And my friend made an interesting point yesterday that, if you factor in the gender pay gap, women actually SHOULD have the chance to save a little more than men.
What I do know is that I’m thankful we openly communicate with each other and recalibrate finances. We work towards common goals. I’m more career driven than my husband but he’s stable, steady, and loyal so we work well as a team. 🫶🏻 But I definitely think all partners need to have these conversations and I hope more men realise that things like gender pay gap are real and don’t unintentionally put their wives and girlfriends and partners at financial disadvantage. 🤞🏻 great piece 🤩
Very well displayed. If the woman were getting a raise and asking for a 50/50 rent split, I believe most of the concern would stem from the man's insecurities. This means that (and I've seen this before), he would feel inferior not because the woman can pay half of the rent, but because she earns more than he does.
This is based on my observations. I recognize that not all men are like this, but it is a widespread issue, and it’s important to discuss it.
I earn more than my girlfriend and we never even thought about splitting our mortgage and bills payments equally. Granted we've been together so long now that we don't really feel the need to count how we split but it's so important to me that we both have the ability to build our own savings.
Money is what ultimately ended my last serious relationship. He was earning 4x what I made at my non-profit job, but we were splitting the bills equally. He was divorced with two pre-teen kids paying his ex-wife roughly $2400/month in child support. On top of that, he was paying for their mortgage, car, car and homeowner’s insurance, etc. despite only being required to pay the child support. She refused to get a job even after the water and electricity were shut off. He legally could never ask for an accounting of how she spent the child support. It was a constant source of tension, especially considering we were splitting everything 50-50.
Oh, that does sound so stressful and complicated! Especially as you shouldn’t be punished for someone else’s financial/family issues, but sounds like that was really hard to avoid
Yeah that's inconsiderate on his part to say the least.
The last time I deployed to Iraq (you don't have to spend money if you don't want to on those, lol) my girlfriend/ eventual wife to be wasn't employed, and my pay was about to received a major boost (no taxes, hazard pay, and combat pay) so I just left the debit card with her. Made sense to me.
I earn more than double what my husband earns and we do split bills mostly (I pay more in general and for our private health and dental) but I check in with him and his money plus I pay the mortgage overpayment and holidays but we also do yearly budget check to make sure it is a bit more equitable but I definitely need to be more mindful I'm not leaving myself with a ton more money and disposable income. And leaving him without. I was in a first marriage that was mentally abusive and I put my pay cheque in his account (for some stupid reason) and asked permission for purchases so I'm always paranoid about being taken advantage of financially which my second husband would never do. Second husband almost had the mortgage on his house paid off but has still given us joint shares which is over generous. Thanks for sharing. 🫶🏻
You sound like you’re already being really mindful! And my friend made an interesting point yesterday that, if you factor in the gender pay gap, women actually SHOULD have the chance to save a little more than men.
What I do know is that I’m thankful we openly communicate with each other and recalibrate finances. We work towards common goals. I’m more career driven than my husband but he’s stable, steady, and loyal so we work well as a team. 🫶🏻 But I definitely think all partners need to have these conversations and I hope more men realise that things like gender pay gap are real and don’t unintentionally put their wives and girlfriends and partners at financial disadvantage. 🤞🏻 great piece 🤩
Very well displayed. If the woman were getting a raise and asking for a 50/50 rent split, I believe most of the concern would stem from the man's insecurities. This means that (and I've seen this before), he would feel inferior not because the woman can pay half of the rent, but because she earns more than he does.
This is based on my observations. I recognize that not all men are like this, but it is a widespread issue, and it’s important to discuss it.
Thank you—definitely important to make it more of a general discussion!
Such an interesting read Alanna, I think there's definitely a long way to go in this sense!
Thank you, Soph! 💓💓
I earn more than my girlfriend and we never even thought about splitting our mortgage and bills payments equally. Granted we've been together so long now that we don't really feel the need to count how we split but it's so important to me that we both have the ability to build our own savings.
Exactly! Surely if only one of you has any savings that limits everyone in the end anyway? Having a fun, fulfilling life together must factor this in
Money is what ultimately ended my last serious relationship. He was earning 4x what I made at my non-profit job, but we were splitting the bills equally. He was divorced with two pre-teen kids paying his ex-wife roughly $2400/month in child support. On top of that, he was paying for their mortgage, car, car and homeowner’s insurance, etc. despite only being required to pay the child support. She refused to get a job even after the water and electricity were shut off. He legally could never ask for an accounting of how she spent the child support. It was a constant source of tension, especially considering we were splitting everything 50-50.
Oh, that does sound so stressful and complicated! Especially as you shouldn’t be punished for someone else’s financial/family issues, but sounds like that was really hard to avoid
Very important to be discussing!!
Thank you, Emma! 💓💓
Yeah that's inconsiderate on his part to say the least.
The last time I deployed to Iraq (you don't have to spend money if you don't want to on those, lol) my girlfriend/ eventual wife to be wasn't employed, and my pay was about to received a major boost (no taxes, hazard pay, and combat pay) so I just left the debit card with her. Made sense to me.
This sounds like a good (and kind) decision!
Thank you!
Just date people your own income-ish. Then you aren’t expected to subsidize them to your lifestyle as much
This is currently happening with my best friend & her husband & she doesn’t seem to realize it’s insane at all. Makes me crazy to watch… & nervous!!