Why do so many couples split rent equally when they don’t earn the same?
Equity versus equality
In my experience, money remains the one thing that copious amounts of progressive, forward-thinking people still struggle to talk about easily—especially when those conversations are had in close relationships. Although I never have any issue with telling people how much money I earn (I spent a lot of last year loudly complaining about it, actually), I still feel like it’s uncouth to bluntly ask my friends and family about their salary, as though I’m asking them to tell me in great detail about their last private doctor’s appointment.
In a cost of living crisis, money becomes all the more contentious. Those people who are struggling to make enough feel rightfully downcast, but those who are lucky enough to earn a good living feel increasingly self-conscious. No one wants to look like King Charles giving a speech on poverty while wearing the crown jewels, after all. Even so, you’d hope that in romantic partnerships there would be more financial openness and an understanding of the complexities around money (especially when it comes to race, gender, class etc) but it’s not always the case.
This week, the sexual wellness brand Bellesa shared a post on Instagram from a user who was in a financial and romantic dilemma. The post read: “My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving because our place right now is tiny and honestly not very nice. He just got a huge promotion and is about to make more than double what I do…but now that we’re looking, he says he still wants to split rent 50/50. This means almost all my money will go to rent while he gets to build up savings. I don’t want to hold us back from getting somewhere better and I know he’s worked hard for his promotion, but I also don’t want to drain my entire paycheck just to keep up. I don’t know how to bring this up without it turning into a bigger issue.”
What’s melting my mind here is that this is not someone earning a couple of hundred more quid a month, this is someone in a whole new tax bracket. I can’t understand how anyone could be earning more than double their partner’s salary (you know, the person you’re supposed to be in love with) and expect them to have any livelihood at all paying the same rent.
The fact is, we need to start promoting equity rather than equality in both renting and relationships. No person in a loving partnership should feel they’re holding the other back by being financially smart, or saying no to a frankly unsustainable manner of living. And in 2025, the idea that someone earning £150,000 a year should pay the same rent as someone on £45,000 is baffling. If this man wants to “build savings”, he’s welcome to! But on his own.
As a woman, if such a world ever exists (fingers crossed) where I’m earning an absolute shit-ton, I’ll gladly work out an equitable rent or mortgage split with my partner if they earn less. But I do think there’s a trickle of misogyny going on in scenarios like the above. It sometimes feels as though some men take a really hard line on equality, almost like a bone of contention. A sort of “Well you women wanted equality, so here you go!!” mentality. Of all the instances I’ve heard about in real life, it’s almost always the guy who’s earning more and still asking his female partner to match him on the rent. As though half and half is just “fair”, no matter the individual circumstances.
If you think about it, pressuring your partner to pay more than they can afford in rent is just another way to ensure you’re in a position of power. Had this couple been splitting rent equitably from the start (which it sounds like they’re not, considering she refers to “still” wanting to split the rent) this woman would likely be in a more stable financial position as a result. So, in reality, it’s him that’s holding them back from taking this shiny, new step. Not her.
Thankfully, after sprinting to the comments of the post, the advice given to her (by both men and women) was universal: be very cautious of this man, and under absolutely no circumstances split that rent down the middle. This, at least, is galvanizing. Not just for that particular woman, but for anyone who’s still uncertain on the murky ethics of equitable rent splitting. While some of us see the overt inequity of a 50/50 split, many more people (hiding in plain sight) still have a long way to go.
I earn more than double what my husband earns and we do split bills mostly (I pay more in general and for our private health and dental) but I check in with him and his money plus I pay the mortgage overpayment and holidays but we also do yearly budget check to make sure it is a bit more equitable but I definitely need to be more mindful I'm not leaving myself with a ton more money and disposable income. And leaving him without. I was in a first marriage that was mentally abusive and I put my pay cheque in his account (for some stupid reason) and asked permission for purchases so I'm always paranoid about being taken advantage of financially which my second husband would never do. Second husband almost had the mortgage on his house paid off but has still given us joint shares which is over generous. Thanks for sharing. 🫶🏻
Very well displayed. If the woman were getting a raise and asking for a 50/50 rent split, I believe most of the concern would stem from the man's insecurities. This means that (and I've seen this before), he would feel inferior not because the woman can pay half of the rent, but because she earns more than he does.
This is based on my observations. I recognize that not all men are like this, but it is a widespread issue, and it’s important to discuss it.