Ugh why? One of my closest friends is now in a relationship and they stay together every weekend, fair enough. But weekends are when we’d usually meet up to walk our dogs and have lunch together 😭 now I’m invited to join ‘them’ for a walk, or go for drinks with the ‘pair of them’… like, no? Tell him to find some hobbies that aren’t just being around you, for the love of god!
Ughhhh 😒 I think we also forget that spending time doesn’t have to mean hours and hours of your weekend. An hour-long walk or coffee with a friend, an exercise class, a quick lunch. Surely there’s time to do something like that and also get enough time in with your partner?!
super interesting! i also wonder how many "velcro relationships" are actually coercive and abusive without someone realising - i definitely can see some of these traits in my previous unhealthy relationship...
This!! Definitely instances where someone appears to be invited to everything, when (behind closed doors) it’s because they insist on being there to keep tabs, or exercise control. Something that’s also very difficult to see as an outsider!
Have you watched Alice Darling on Netflix? There’s such a chilling scene where the protagonist’s partner shows up uninvited to a girls holiday and it’s soooo well done/uncomfortable
LOVE this Alanna!!! Romantic relationships are great but my lord do we need external factors too. I actually go a bit (very) moody if I've been around my boyfriend too much with interaction with anyone else.
Throughout this I was thinking our first-ever relationships are very velcro, and you saying "velcro is for children" ties in nicely I think. When we're first in a "serious" thing, at whatever age, is SO exciting and we do just want to be around that person all the time. But most of us do (and should) mature and learn that romantic relationships are only a small piece of a very large puzzle. Basically what I'm saying is, I don't want to see whoever you're with as often as I see you lol
The last sentence 👏🏼👏🏼 You’re so right: building every facet of your life around someone is something people usually mature out of with time, when the initial excitement wears down and you realise there’s so much more to a happy life than just romance!
My husband and I do most things together, from the weekly shop to yoga sessions and most weekends. However we regularly meet friends and family independently of one another bc we're not little freaks
The big bird photo made me LOL. I’m married and I don’t want my husband to go to brunch with my friends. I like that he gets along with them, and sometimes we hang out together, but I need my space too! This has always seemed so weird to me. Also I don’t need to go to all his social events and thank god because I don’t want to lol
‘you’re not put on this earth solely to orbit someone else, or act like half a person’
thank you... i know i’m being a literal minded pedant, but it is a pet peeve of mine when someone refers to their partner as their other half. it has me mentally yelling, ‘you are not half a person! you are a whole person!’
Agree 100%!!! I’m also in several long-distance friendships and get bothered when my time with my friends are disrupted by their partners that have no interest in my life whatsoever. I also read “Attached” late last year and absolutely loved it!
"messaging each other at hourly intervals on a daily basis and never having more than a few minutes without some kind of communication with them." -> I was wondering for a second if I was in a velcro relationship but then I read this and nope! This sounds like a nightmare 😅
Love this! As someone now in a very secure, happy relationship after years of not having them, I appreciate the final sentiment. Plus, my husband most definitely cba going to a girls’ brunch. 🤣🫶🏻
You ate em up with that last line. But the whole article is fantastic. I might close to you on the independence spectrum bc I've always hate mushy couples. Maybe bc I never had one before. Still I'll never understand being glued to another person beyond the honeymoon phase. Do you just not like your friends that much? Why is this man here?
Ugh why? One of my closest friends is now in a relationship and they stay together every weekend, fair enough. But weekends are when we’d usually meet up to walk our dogs and have lunch together 😭 now I’m invited to join ‘them’ for a walk, or go for drinks with the ‘pair of them’… like, no? Tell him to find some hobbies that aren’t just being around you, for the love of god!
Ughhhh 😒 I think we also forget that spending time doesn’t have to mean hours and hours of your weekend. An hour-long walk or coffee with a friend, an exercise class, a quick lunch. Surely there’s time to do something like that and also get enough time in with your partner?!
So true 🔥
The Big Bird ref + caption absolutely floored me.
Hahahah it’s one of my favourite references. Just like: 👁️👄👁️
super interesting! i also wonder how many "velcro relationships" are actually coercive and abusive without someone realising - i definitely can see some of these traits in my previous unhealthy relationship...
This!! Definitely instances where someone appears to be invited to everything, when (behind closed doors) it’s because they insist on being there to keep tabs, or exercise control. Something that’s also very difficult to see as an outsider!
Have you watched Alice Darling on Netflix? There’s such a chilling scene where the protagonist’s partner shows up uninvited to a girls holiday and it’s soooo well done/uncomfortable
Some of the feral conversations that happen at brunch aren't for outsider ears.
10000%. I need at least SOME moments to be completely unhinged 😂
the things my friends and I talk about would scare the living daylights out of most men… it’s safer for them to stay home.
The way women can be completely honest and hilarious together is my favourite thing.
Honestly same 😂
LOVE this Alanna!!! Romantic relationships are great but my lord do we need external factors too. I actually go a bit (very) moody if I've been around my boyfriend too much with interaction with anyone else.
Throughout this I was thinking our first-ever relationships are very velcro, and you saying "velcro is for children" ties in nicely I think. When we're first in a "serious" thing, at whatever age, is SO exciting and we do just want to be around that person all the time. But most of us do (and should) mature and learn that romantic relationships are only a small piece of a very large puzzle. Basically what I'm saying is, I don't want to see whoever you're with as often as I see you lol
The last sentence 👏🏼👏🏼 You’re so right: building every facet of your life around someone is something people usually mature out of with time, when the initial excitement wears down and you realise there’s so much more to a happy life than just romance!
My husband and I do most things together, from the weekly shop to yoga sessions and most weekends. However we regularly meet friends and family independently of one another bc we're not little freaks
This sounds dreamy!! Spending your life with someone means spending lots of time together, just not every waking moment 😂
The big bird photo made me LOL. I’m married and I don’t want my husband to go to brunch with my friends. I like that he gets along with them, and sometimes we hang out together, but I need my space too! This has always seemed so weird to me. Also I don’t need to go to all his social events and thank god because I don’t want to lol
‘you’re not put on this earth solely to orbit someone else, or act like half a person’
thank you... i know i’m being a literal minded pedant, but it is a pet peeve of mine when someone refers to their partner as their other half. it has me mentally yelling, ‘you are not half a person! you are a whole person!’
Agree 100%!!! I’m also in several long-distance friendships and get bothered when my time with my friends are disrupted by their partners that have no interest in my life whatsoever. I also read “Attached” late last year and absolutely loved it!
The Big Bird in the office meeting is TOO accurate. Like, please go.
😂😂😂😂 exactly
Ever Heard of the term amatonormativity? That‘s the scientific desc for what you‘re describing.
Oh this is so interesting!! I’m in a Reddit hole on this as we speak…
"messaging each other at hourly intervals on a daily basis and never having more than a few minutes without some kind of communication with them." -> I was wondering for a second if I was in a velcro relationship but then I read this and nope! This sounds like a nightmare 😅
Right??? I do not need to be informed every time you go to the toilet 😂
I love this.
💓💓💓
yes. yes to this all. laces aren’t that hard !
Exactly!!
Love this! As someone now in a very secure, happy relationship after years of not having them, I appreciate the final sentiment. Plus, my husband most definitely cba going to a girls’ brunch. 🤣🫶🏻
I loooove that final quote so much, and happy that you’re in a relationship where you feel you can be independent and daring in the world!
Hahaha I know. It’s like if I got invited to watch the football with a bunch of guys. Erm…no??
Haha very good analogy. Football at the pub would definitely be my nightmare! 🙈😬🤣
You ate em up with that last line. But the whole article is fantastic. I might close to you on the independence spectrum bc I've always hate mushy couples. Maybe bc I never had one before. Still I'll never understand being glued to another person beyond the honeymoon phase. Do you just not like your friends that much? Why is this man here?