Such a great post! I've been rethinking my approach to socialization recently and in the end nothing beats just spending time with people in person (friends, colleagues at work, people in clubs and hobbies). I think technology can be a great way to connect with others but the way it's built right now just gamifies shallow interactions (likes, views, followers). I miss the time when I used MySpace and Facebook to connect with friends and we had no influencers on there at all :).
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🤗 Yes! You’re so right: is was such a subtle shift to just viewing strangers content passively that it’s almost weird to remember a time when it really was just an unfiltered, online place to keep up with friends!
This is fabulous! One of the reasons why I love being a hospital doctor is the daily opportunity to be around real people, solving real problems in this ever-simulated world. Don’t get me wrong, this has its challenges too, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Thank you so much Shivani! Ah, I can imagine being a doctor fills that social need perfectly. My dad was in hospital for a while recently and he said he actually preferred it when he was on the busier wards as there was great energy and so much opportunity to chat. Was quite a surprise as he’s usually such an introvert!
Your posts are always so thought-provoking, Alanna.
I have so many questions and thoughts. I should write my own post, I suppose, but it's far outside whatever niche I write about on here that my audience may be like 'what the...?' (not that I will let that totally dissuade me).
I want to write a post titled something like 'Why Can't I Get a Match on Tinder?'
(Spoiler alert: the answer is, I've only swiped right like three times and I've only used it for 'research' purposes(
Here are some of the questions bubbling about in my head:
* Why and how did dating apps ever get invented?
* Do/Did we need them?
* Why can't we go back to the old-fashioned way?
* Is social media/tech to blame for loneliness? (FOMO and all that?)
* Is it an age/maturity/sex/gender/etc thing?
* Are people afraid to be lonely and/or on their own?
* Are people open to doing things the old-fashioned way, pre-apps, as in just approaching people and saying hi?
Many of us write because we seek answers. I certainly do. But I also want to provide answers and solutions for others. Perhaps my circumstances are unique, perhaps not. I'm 48, recently divorced, have a 6 year old daughter and I'm happy with what's transpired. But otherwise life is a pretty topsy turvy mess and at times I wish I had friends around to chat to.
But here's the thing - I am not lonely, I never have been, I love being on my own, and I am not at all looking for a partner/romance but am certainly open to it if it comes naturally. I've never had to use dating apps because I've been in situations where meeting people naturally just happens well, naturally.
What's my point? If there is an answer to overcoming loneliness, perhaps I have it and can be of some use to others. But I'm still trying to figure out what that might be. It pains me to see and hear of others' loneliness, but why are some people affected over others? Personality? Genetics? Our environments? (the classic nature v nurture thing?)
Sorry, I'm babbling. I will eventually write that post, one of these days...
Thank you, Daniel! And no, I think you should definitely write about it. Don't let topic niche stop you. I think loneliness is a hot topic at the moment but also still very shame-coded, which it shouldn't be. The more we discuss it, the better!
Loneliness comes up a lot as a subject with my clients, and once upon a time one of them said something to me which has stuck with me ever since.
It was in the context of being out of touch with your own inner emotional life. How having a poor connection to yourself means that you’re going to feel lonely no matter how many people you have around you — since you can’t properly connect with others.
Such an interesting way of considering loneliness.
We tend to talk about loneliness in terms of lack of opportunity to connect (people don’t go out enough, too much work, not enough money etc) but not much about capacity to connect.
Yes!! This is so true. I think that's why people often expect me to feel lonely because I love spending time alone. But I'm just...my own bestie?! 😆 I love hanging out with me.
Another amazing post Alanna! Not sure if you've seen, but the dating app Thursday is stepping away from being online-focused and is shifting to dating events/mixers. I think this is probably due to the nature of your post - people just aren't getting that connection they're seeking through a screen.
I would totally agree about non-romantic relationships too. For various reasons, I didn't socialise anywhere near as much as I wanted to last year so in 2025 I'm making sure I see my friends regularly. We're only two weeks in but I've had a couple of girly catch ups and feel oh-so much better for it!
Oooh I’ve heard of Thursday but not if their shift to purely in-person stuff. That’s very clever as you’re right: we are all collectively so tired of swiping!
And that’s a great resolution! I’m sort of doing the same: just trying to put myself in more social situations like running, saunas, working from cafes and co-working spaces. I’ve been the same, just a touch too comfortable in my own company 🤗
Such a great post! I've been rethinking my approach to socialization recently and in the end nothing beats just spending time with people in person (friends, colleagues at work, people in clubs and hobbies). I think technology can be a great way to connect with others but the way it's built right now just gamifies shallow interactions (likes, views, followers). I miss the time when I used MySpace and Facebook to connect with friends and we had no influencers on there at all :).
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🤗 Yes! You’re so right: is was such a subtle shift to just viewing strangers content passively that it’s almost weird to remember a time when it really was just an unfiltered, online place to keep up with friends!
This is fabulous! One of the reasons why I love being a hospital doctor is the daily opportunity to be around real people, solving real problems in this ever-simulated world. Don’t get me wrong, this has its challenges too, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Thank you so much Shivani! Ah, I can imagine being a doctor fills that social need perfectly. My dad was in hospital for a while recently and he said he actually preferred it when he was on the busier wards as there was great energy and so much opportunity to chat. Was quite a surprise as he’s usually such an introvert!
Your posts are always so thought-provoking, Alanna.
I have so many questions and thoughts. I should write my own post, I suppose, but it's far outside whatever niche I write about on here that my audience may be like 'what the...?' (not that I will let that totally dissuade me).
I want to write a post titled something like 'Why Can't I Get a Match on Tinder?'
(Spoiler alert: the answer is, I've only swiped right like three times and I've only used it for 'research' purposes(
Here are some of the questions bubbling about in my head:
* Why and how did dating apps ever get invented?
* Do/Did we need them?
* Why can't we go back to the old-fashioned way?
* Is social media/tech to blame for loneliness? (FOMO and all that?)
* Is it an age/maturity/sex/gender/etc thing?
* Are people afraid to be lonely and/or on their own?
* Are people open to doing things the old-fashioned way, pre-apps, as in just approaching people and saying hi?
Many of us write because we seek answers. I certainly do. But I also want to provide answers and solutions for others. Perhaps my circumstances are unique, perhaps not. I'm 48, recently divorced, have a 6 year old daughter and I'm happy with what's transpired. But otherwise life is a pretty topsy turvy mess and at times I wish I had friends around to chat to.
But here's the thing - I am not lonely, I never have been, I love being on my own, and I am not at all looking for a partner/romance but am certainly open to it if it comes naturally. I've never had to use dating apps because I've been in situations where meeting people naturally just happens well, naturally.
What's my point? If there is an answer to overcoming loneliness, perhaps I have it and can be of some use to others. But I'm still trying to figure out what that might be. It pains me to see and hear of others' loneliness, but why are some people affected over others? Personality? Genetics? Our environments? (the classic nature v nurture thing?)
Sorry, I'm babbling. I will eventually write that post, one of these days...
Thank you, Daniel! And no, I think you should definitely write about it. Don't let topic niche stop you. I think loneliness is a hot topic at the moment but also still very shame-coded, which it shouldn't be. The more we discuss it, the better!
Such a thought-provoking read.
Loneliness comes up a lot as a subject with my clients, and once upon a time one of them said something to me which has stuck with me ever since.
It was in the context of being out of touch with your own inner emotional life. How having a poor connection to yourself means that you’re going to feel lonely no matter how many people you have around you — since you can’t properly connect with others.
Such an interesting way of considering loneliness.
We tend to talk about loneliness in terms of lack of opportunity to connect (people don’t go out enough, too much work, not enough money etc) but not much about capacity to connect.
All those men blaming women for loneliness …
Yes!! This is so true. I think that's why people often expect me to feel lonely because I love spending time alone. But I'm just...my own bestie?! 😆 I love hanging out with me.
Another amazing post Alanna! Not sure if you've seen, but the dating app Thursday is stepping away from being online-focused and is shifting to dating events/mixers. I think this is probably due to the nature of your post - people just aren't getting that connection they're seeking through a screen.
I would totally agree about non-romantic relationships too. For various reasons, I didn't socialise anywhere near as much as I wanted to last year so in 2025 I'm making sure I see my friends regularly. We're only two weeks in but I've had a couple of girly catch ups and feel oh-so much better for it!
Oooh I’ve heard of Thursday but not if their shift to purely in-person stuff. That’s very clever as you’re right: we are all collectively so tired of swiping!
And that’s a great resolution! I’m sort of doing the same: just trying to put myself in more social situations like running, saunas, working from cafes and co-working spaces. I’ve been the same, just a touch too comfortable in my own company 🤗