Love this and totally a moral issue I think about all the time! For poetry, fiction and non-fiction, I find so much inspiration from my own experiences and the people around me but always question how much of another person I can put down on page. I think I've come up with my own set of boundaries, person by person and dependent on the situation, for what I think is fair and kind, but honestly there are some huge things I'd love to write about openly but there are just too many details towards other people that I wouldn't feel fair sharing.
Also MORTIFYING when people think a poem is about them and it's ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh man, I’d embarrassed enough when someone thinks something’s written about them and is correct: I’d DIE if someone was like “she wrote that about me” and I hadn’t 😂😂😂
This is such a hard dilemma! I'm one of those people who loves reading others write detailed opinions and descriptions of their lives but I cannot do that about my own life. I'd be too stressed that the people I write about finds my writing and reaches out 😂.
It depends on the situation. Everything has consequences. Choose wisely. But yes, this is why when I write about my abusive ex, I never named names. But will I write about people and their behavior? Of course. I might change their relationship or when I knew them, but bet if it happened to me, it’s mine.
Trust me, Alanna, you'll have the same problem with fiction. I've written a lot of it, and people close to me have complained, sometimes bitterly, that what I wrote was about them (when it wasn't!).
I've chosen to protect the relationships, on the grounds that I'm not Leo Tolstoy so I don't have my genius to excuse me. And I think that's the right call, but even us non-Tolstoys have things to say, and I confess it's very inhibiting.
Argh, there’s no escaping it!! 😂 To be fair, all the fictional characters I’ve ever written has always been an amalgamation of people I’ve known in real life, but never a singular person
I’d love to see the people who will likely recognize some of themselves in fiction to come forward with their whole chest out to say I am writing about their “likeness”. Like, oh, you confessing to stalking there? 🤣 I use parts of people in fiction and I tell the truth with as much protection for those I write about as possible.
Sometimes it's actually funny. My husband was reading a draft of one of one of my novels, (called McMansions: A Novel; you can find it on Amazon). Apparently he assumed the husband in the story was him, because at some point he looked up and said "I do not!"
But that's sometimes. Most of these conversations are really, painfully hard.
Omg that’s sooooo funny he did that. Maybe he saw himself in parts of the character even though it wasn’t about him. I often see myself in characters. You don’t want to know how much like Gillian Flynn’s Camille I am having had a similar mother, having coped with trauma via self-abuse…and having sort of acted out in reaction as I learned horrific truth of my mother. Let’s just say this is my season for dating WAY younger guys. Or something like that. And the older men, the men my age, are just like the cop in that book. A user. Self-serving. Manipulative. Not man enough to handle real trauma. But I digress.
If a guy is afraid you will write about him - run. Big red flag. My man never had that fear and he has never restricted my writing. Now, for the first time, I’m writing down our story for my next book and he said: it’s your art you can do whatever and I think this approach should be more common.
I had those feelings of “not being allowed” of course too. But in the end, it would limit my art and therefore my personal growth and therefore the end product which will be read by 10000 people so, …
This sounds very healthy!! And yeah, there’s definitely a part of me that feels like, if you don’t want people to write badly of you, don’t be a bad person. But that goes beyond just writing too!
Love this and totally a moral issue I think about all the time! For poetry, fiction and non-fiction, I find so much inspiration from my own experiences and the people around me but always question how much of another person I can put down on page. I think I've come up with my own set of boundaries, person by person and dependent on the situation, for what I think is fair and kind, but honestly there are some huge things I'd love to write about openly but there are just too many details towards other people that I wouldn't feel fair sharing.
Also MORTIFYING when people think a poem is about them and it's ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh man, I’d embarrassed enough when someone thinks something’s written about them and is correct: I’d DIE if someone was like “she wrote that about me” and I hadn’t 😂😂😂
But yeah, I think case by case is the way to go!
This is such a hard dilemma! I'm one of those people who loves reading others write detailed opinions and descriptions of their lives but I cannot do that about my own life. I'd be too stressed that the people I write about finds my writing and reaches out 😂.
Yessss, I'm so grateful for other writers who are brave enough to be candid and open, but it can feel really vulnerable when it's you doing it!
It depends on the situation. Everything has consequences. Choose wisely. But yes, this is why when I write about my abusive ex, I never named names. But will I write about people and their behavior? Of course. I might change their relationship or when I knew them, but bet if it happened to me, it’s mine.
“If it happened to me, it’s mine” 🥹 I love this
Trust me, Alanna, you'll have the same problem with fiction. I've written a lot of it, and people close to me have complained, sometimes bitterly, that what I wrote was about them (when it wasn't!).
I've chosen to protect the relationships, on the grounds that I'm not Leo Tolstoy so I don't have my genius to excuse me. And I think that's the right call, but even us non-Tolstoys have things to say, and I confess it's very inhibiting.
Argh, there’s no escaping it!! 😂 To be fair, all the fictional characters I’ve ever written has always been an amalgamation of people I’ve known in real life, but never a singular person
Mine too.
I’d love to see the people who will likely recognize some of themselves in fiction to come forward with their whole chest out to say I am writing about their “likeness”. Like, oh, you confessing to stalking there? 🤣 I use parts of people in fiction and I tell the truth with as much protection for those I write about as possible.
Sometimes it's actually funny. My husband was reading a draft of one of one of my novels, (called McMansions: A Novel; you can find it on Amazon). Apparently he assumed the husband in the story was him, because at some point he looked up and said "I do not!"
But that's sometimes. Most of these conversations are really, painfully hard.
Omg that’s sooooo funny he did that. Maybe he saw himself in parts of the character even though it wasn’t about him. I often see myself in characters. You don’t want to know how much like Gillian Flynn’s Camille I am having had a similar mother, having coped with trauma via self-abuse…and having sort of acted out in reaction as I learned horrific truth of my mother. Let’s just say this is my season for dating WAY younger guys. Or something like that. And the older men, the men my age, are just like the cop in that book. A user. Self-serving. Manipulative. Not man enough to handle real trauma. But I digress.
If a guy is afraid you will write about him - run. Big red flag. My man never had that fear and he has never restricted my writing. Now, for the first time, I’m writing down our story for my next book and he said: it’s your art you can do whatever and I think this approach should be more common.
I had those feelings of “not being allowed” of course too. But in the end, it would limit my art and therefore my personal growth and therefore the end product which will be read by 10000 people so, …
This sounds very healthy!! And yeah, there’s definitely a part of me that feels like, if you don’t want people to write badly of you, don’t be a bad person. But that goes beyond just writing too!