This was really beautiful. Like (sadly) most women, I feel like I’ve spent my entire life thinking about my body and how to make it smaller. Thinner but also just..taking up less space. In rooms in parties in conversation. And when you spoke about that parallel of simultaneously feeling (or should be feeling) good about your body and knowing you have it good, but then also still fighting the urge to “fix it” I really felt that.
I don’t know the answer or if I’ll ever not feel these things but I really did love this piece and how eloquently you put such a difficult subject 🖤
Thank you so much for your kind words, Angela! I know just what you mean, often it's not even about physical size but just the feeling of constantly needing to "self-improve"—it's exhausting! 💓
These.Words.Are.Everything! I ask myself the same questions as a healthy European blessed by strong legs youthful looks but big 'bones'. I remember being thin twice in my life. But would I ever give up my strong legs for ozempic face? probably not. Will being thin make me happy? no. I would probably be less healthy and treat myself more with zero cardio sessions. Why doesn't the logic add up?! whyyy
Thank you!! Ugh, I know just what you mean. I think sometimes just being 'heavy' can make you spiral, even if you physically feel amazing. It's like we're programmed to think of certain weights and numbers as dirty, without taking into account that healthy bodies come in a WEALTH of different sizes, measurements, shapes etc
This is really interesting and resonated with me… something I’ve thought about a lot over the years. I remember a few years ago, hearing my former brother in law complaining about going up from a 30” waist to a 32”.
At the time, I was wearing a 44” waist.
It’s all relative, after all. But with that in mind - and feeling rotten about myself, and how-dare-he-complain-about-that-for-fuck’s-sake-he-doesn’t-know-what-fat-is – I went home and thought about it. And you know what I did?
I measured my thighs. I was thinking about proportion – because I’ll never be thin. But I’ll be strong. Each thigh was over 29” around, and my ass is also very muscular and proportionate. And I felt much more accepting of myself right then. It was a lovely learning moment for me. Maybe I could lose 10” off my waist (which I have done, since - writing this in a 34”), but my legs will still be trees of muscle; I’ll never have the dimensions of a clothes model, and shopping will always be just about impossible.
But you know what I won’t do? Complain about my fucking waist size.
And you’re right, comparing the whole of ourselves to a single aspect of another person isn’t an accurate way to view ourselves. I hope you’re no longer feeling rotten about yourself! ✨
Hellz naw. And really, I wasn't then. It was a passing moment. But hwat you see and what everyone else sees are not the same thing at all. Despite losing all that off my waist, I still look in the mirror and see a fat kid. It's not your logical brain responding to anything.
Equally, there have been people in life that just straight out lie to you – the amount of times I heard, "But you're not fat!" when I was fucking *huge* was ridiculous. If I say I'm fat, I'm pretty sure you can too.
Alanna thank you. Your words are so soothing and healing. As a child who also wasn’t thin, and spending much of my teenage years tracking, this resonated deeply. I feel I was meant to read this today. Last week, I decided to start tracking my calories again on a certain app that shall rename nameless, and already a few days in, I remembered why I hated it and stopped using it last time. Perhaps, my body is just where it’s meant to be.
Aw, Jenna, I'm so glad! Sometimes we're definitely meant to read things at the right time 💓 And absolutely: it's a REALLY hard habit to break, but it rarely if ever gives us any real happiness, unlike lots of other things we can be focusing on x
Thank you! That’s so very true. I think trying to continue the healthy balance I had, whilst being more mindful and enjoying moving my body is more important x
I can very much relate to this. It took me years to get to a point where I feel ok about my body, and yet I know the many changes we go through, hormonally and physically and mentally, also means a constant readjustement of accepting what our bodies look like. Thank you for sharing.
Ugh, you're so right about it being a constant reassessment! I wish it were more normalised to see our bodies as changing vessels rather than objects we must try to preserve perfectly.
I don't know if you have delved deeper, why do you want to lose weight, and where did you learn this aesthetic or concept. Is it reliable?and is its source friendly? If it is inherently malicious and harmful, it's good you can get rid of it. ..It's like getting rid of a sticky pile of dog poop lol
This was really beautiful. Like (sadly) most women, I feel like I’ve spent my entire life thinking about my body and how to make it smaller. Thinner but also just..taking up less space. In rooms in parties in conversation. And when you spoke about that parallel of simultaneously feeling (or should be feeling) good about your body and knowing you have it good, but then also still fighting the urge to “fix it” I really felt that.
I don’t know the answer or if I’ll ever not feel these things but I really did love this piece and how eloquently you put such a difficult subject 🖤
Thank you so much for your kind words, Angela! I know just what you mean, often it's not even about physical size but just the feeling of constantly needing to "self-improve"—it's exhausting! 💓
These.Words.Are.Everything! I ask myself the same questions as a healthy European blessed by strong legs youthful looks but big 'bones'. I remember being thin twice in my life. But would I ever give up my strong legs for ozempic face? probably not. Will being thin make me happy? no. I would probably be less healthy and treat myself more with zero cardio sessions. Why doesn't the logic add up?! whyyy
Thank you!! Ugh, I know just what you mean. I think sometimes just being 'heavy' can make you spiral, even if you physically feel amazing. It's like we're programmed to think of certain weights and numbers as dirty, without taking into account that healthy bodies come in a WEALTH of different sizes, measurements, shapes etc
i loved this so much
I’m so glad!! 🫶🏼🥰
This is really interesting and resonated with me… something I’ve thought about a lot over the years. I remember a few years ago, hearing my former brother in law complaining about going up from a 30” waist to a 32”.
At the time, I was wearing a 44” waist.
It’s all relative, after all. But with that in mind - and feeling rotten about myself, and how-dare-he-complain-about-that-for-fuck’s-sake-he-doesn’t-know-what-fat-is – I went home and thought about it. And you know what I did?
I measured my thighs. I was thinking about proportion – because I’ll never be thin. But I’ll be strong. Each thigh was over 29” around, and my ass is also very muscular and proportionate. And I felt much more accepting of myself right then. It was a lovely learning moment for me. Maybe I could lose 10” off my waist (which I have done, since - writing this in a 34”), but my legs will still be trees of muscle; I’ll never have the dimensions of a clothes model, and shopping will always be just about impossible.
But you know what I won’t do? Complain about my fucking waist size.
Sorry, that became a ramble.
Don’t worry, we love a ramble here!!
And you’re right, comparing the whole of ourselves to a single aspect of another person isn’t an accurate way to view ourselves. I hope you’re no longer feeling rotten about yourself! ✨
Hellz naw. And really, I wasn't then. It was a passing moment. But hwat you see and what everyone else sees are not the same thing at all. Despite losing all that off my waist, I still look in the mirror and see a fat kid. It's not your logical brain responding to anything.
Equally, there have been people in life that just straight out lie to you – the amount of times I heard, "But you're not fat!" when I was fucking *huge* was ridiculous. If I say I'm fat, I'm pretty sure you can too.
It's a really, really tangled web. Of shit.
Alanna thank you. Your words are so soothing and healing. As a child who also wasn’t thin, and spending much of my teenage years tracking, this resonated deeply. I feel I was meant to read this today. Last week, I decided to start tracking my calories again on a certain app that shall rename nameless, and already a few days in, I remembered why I hated it and stopped using it last time. Perhaps, my body is just where it’s meant to be.
Aw, Jenna, I'm so glad! Sometimes we're definitely meant to read things at the right time 💓 And absolutely: it's a REALLY hard habit to break, but it rarely if ever gives us any real happiness, unlike lots of other things we can be focusing on x
Thank you! That’s so very true. I think trying to continue the healthy balance I had, whilst being more mindful and enjoying moving my body is more important x
I can very much relate to this. It took me years to get to a point where I feel ok about my body, and yet I know the many changes we go through, hormonally and physically and mentally, also means a constant readjustement of accepting what our bodies look like. Thank you for sharing.
Ugh, you're so right about it being a constant reassessment! I wish it were more normalised to see our bodies as changing vessels rather than objects we must try to preserve perfectly.
Thank you for your kind words on the piece 😊
This is such a beautiful essay, Alanna! It really resonated with me ♥️
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you found it engaging xx
I don't know if you have delved deeper, why do you want to lose weight, and where did you learn this aesthetic or concept. Is it reliable?and is its source friendly? If it is inherently malicious and harmful, it's good you can get rid of it. ..It's like getting rid of a sticky pile of dog poop lol