Infidelity, harassment & manipulation. The dark side of the work Christmas party
And how you can avoid the worst of it this festive season!
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*Names in this essay have been changed to protect people’s privacy
If there’s one sacrifice to being self-employed - which I’ve been for the last three years - it’s the lack of office Christmas parties. As someone who thrives on gossip as long as it doesn’t involve me, there used to be nothing more exciting than settling myself into a front-row seat for the annual chaos. Excessive drinking. Divulged secrets. Forbidden snogs. Back then, it was exactly my kind of good time. Perhaps because of my absolute inability to deal with embarrassment, I rarely let myself do anything unbusinesslike. This was also made easier by the fact that, in both my former full-time positions, my friends were nearly all straight women or gay men. Either way, I usually came away sore-headed but socially and professionally unscathed.
But even for a spectator like me, there’s a distinct unease to the work Christmas party, isn’t there? It treads a thread-thin line between fun and scary, relaxed and uptight. Though boundaries obviously exist - the perimeters of which are monitored by HR, People and C-suite teams - they’re rarely made visible to employees. It’s unusual to be given a rundown on how to behave, how much to drink, and what not to say. Plied with alcohol and encouraged to dress for a Big Night Out, it’s little wonder so many people find themselves crossing this blurry line and dropping their usual professionalism.
Two days ago, a member of staff from Buckingham Palace was arrested after a Christmas party that began at the palace and ended up in All Bar One descended into drunken chaos. The woman in question - who had allegedly been smashing glasses, verbally abusing bar staff, and attempting to punch the manager - had to spend the night in a cell.
While such a dramatic and newsworthy display of disorder is uncommon, plenty of us have a story or two about a wilder-than-planned work party. When I asked people about their experiences for this piece, most fell into the more typical bracket of embarrassing but harmless.
Hailey from London snogged a colleague on the minibus home, thinking they were being discreet—of course, it turned out that everyone was watching. Harry from Paris demanded that the DJ stop playing Michael Jackson at his Christmas party. “I then threw up over the DJ booth.” Katheryn from London ended up asleep on her unrequited work crush’s sofa while he slept in another room. “I couldn’t look him in the eye again at the office without going crimson.” And a former boss of mine once did a ‘slut drop’ so powerful that he tore the crotch of his jeans from seam to seam.
All worth a brief head-in-hands moment the following morning, sure. But many more people would consider themselves lucky if the above was all they’d had to suffer through.
Because the work Christmas party can turn sinister surprisingly fast. Sexual harassment, for instance, is so rife at festive workplace parties that a new law has come into play requiring employers to take reasonable steps to protect their staff from being sexually harassed, whether they are attending a work Christmas party or working at one. Cara spent an uncomfortable evening being compared to her Creative Director’s new girlfriend. “He was in his 40s and known for being a creep. I was really new - a couple of months in - and he kept making us stand next to each other.”
Infidelity is also a hallmark of many corporate Christmas do’s. “There’s so much cheating at my corporate job’s Christmas parties,” Cleo from London tells me. “It’s basically a given that the senior men will cheat.” When I asked her if they only cheat with other senior team members or whether they will hook up with junior team members, too, she said, “It’s whatever they can get. They just go and shark.”
“Whether it’s harassment, infidelity, drug use, or company information, what employees often end up burdened with - long after the hangovers have subsided - is secrets.”
With hierarchies abandoned by those who usually uphold them, more junior members of staff are left at a loss with how to conduct themselves. Tom from Manchester recalls: “I was working in an agency and our Christmas party was a night away in the countryside. It was lovely and I felt so grateful, but after the meal it developed into a mess. I was peer pressured into doing drugs by the CEO, who then told me all the secrets about the business and how it wasn’t doing well.” Similarly, Megan from Lewes told me: “My (gay) male area manager dragged me into the women’s toilets and offered me a line. I did it because I thought he hated me.”
Too often, employees are faced with a choice: do I break the rules (and potentially jeopardize my career) to appease someone more powerful than me, or do I decline, and risk them disliking me more as a result?
But whether it’s harassment, infidelity, drug use, or company information, what employees often end up burdened with - long after the hangovers have subsided - is secrets. The morning after his messy work party, Tom was driven home by a senior team member who had been doing shots all night. She ended up crashing the car with him in it. “It was blamed on the road being slippy, but when I pointed out it could’ve been the chaos of the night, I was told to keep that observation quiet for business reasons.” What happens at the work party stays at the work party, apparently. Even when your life’s put at risk.
So what exactly are we supposed to do to navigate our way through a work Christmas party? Especially one that shows all the tell-tale signs of drunkenness and debauchery? Cherry Marsh, People Officer for some of the UK’s most established companies - has given me some much-needed tips.
Set limits. Decide roughly how much you want to drink before you go, then stick to it.
Have an exit strategy. Have a polite "I’ve had a fab time, but I need to head out," ready if things get uncomfortable.
Keep compliments PG. Stick to compliments like “Love your jumper!” Avoid anything that could be misinterpreted.
Pace yourself. Drink water, eat snacks, and don’t rush into the party like a sprint.
Plan your journeys. Make sure you have a safe route home planned with trusted people. Avoid last-minute arrangements.
Familiarise yourself with company policy. Before heading to the party, have a read of your company’s HR policy on sexual harassment, anti-bullying, and anti-discrimination.
Cherry concludes, “In October 2024, changes to employment law strengthened employee protections against sexual harassment. Inappropriate behaviour can lead to super serious consequences—even if it’s done in informal settings like parties. A lot of people I’ve spoken to recently didn’t know that work parties are treated as an extension of the workplace.
So, if you see or experience any behaviour that crosses the line and makes someone feel humiliated, harassed or threatened, you should report it. Sexual harassment is any unwanted, inappropriate, or offensive behaviour of a sexual nature that creates a hostile, intimidating, or humiliating environment. It could be verbal, physical, or visual. Always stay mindful and respectful of everyone’s boundaries!”
Feeling festive? 🎄 Why not give your loved ones something that won’t end up in the attic or in a landfill? Gift them a subscription to SILT:
Holy crap! Is that sort of stuff so common in the UK? I’m in the US, and company Christmas parties I’ve attended have just been dinner at a nice restaurant with everyone heading home by 9pm, because why would you want to hang out with your coworkers when you could be doing your own thing?
I love reckless Christmas parties. Long live the culture!